Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Flying Faces Scary

The new BBC trailer for digital tv, the one with the faces, is too scary!

Here is what I think a letter of complaint will look like from one of these people:


Dear BBC

I wish to complain about the horrific advert you have on about your digital television. The advert is of this horrible flying faces that all merge into this one giant big scary face.
The advert is extremely distrubing, I couldn't sleep for weeks later of fear of my head come flying off and joining this huge floating head.

At the lowest point I was constracted this device that was to keep my head attached to my body, everyone at work was laughing at me for weeks and weeks, and even now I am too affaird to turn on the television in case of what I might see.

It terrible all the terrifying things we have to put up with, what with the sickerning advert such as this. I mean I got to worry about catching Bird Flu from eating chicken and eggs, I even had to remove my bird table from the back in fear of catching something from birds.
Also I hardly ever leave the house and run to the car when I have to, I mean, what if a bunch of youths with hoodies come to attack me outside me isolated, middle england country house!

We in Middle England sho uldn't have to put up with scary stuff, and to the middle england everything is scary, especally things on Television.

How can I enjoy greaat programmes like Antiques Roadshow? Songs of Praise? Country Watch? and other such programmes (If you remember, last year I wrote a complaint about Flog It and those flying hammers on the programmes credits, I was wearing a crash helmets for months after that for fear of flying hammers)

I do hope for quick action on this.


Typical Middle England Housewife
An Isolated Cottege
Middle England


Random Fact:

The Prince of Wales hospital in Bridgend sell maggots. There's a market for maggots, because they can be used to clean wounds. Once applied and covered with a fine nylon net (to prevent escape), the maggots move over the surface secreting proteolytic enzymes that break down dead tissue, turning it into a soup, which they then ingest.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Royal Family Form a Trade Union

Inspired by Prince William joining a Trade Union

The royals have set out to form there own Trade Union. In a statement, a spokesperson for the royals said:
"For all too long the royals have been discriminated against, you have horrid people like those at We are just like any normal people. ok, we might live in a big palace, have a lot of taxes payers money, ride around in an expensive train, cover up media stories, inbreed (Why should we want to breed with peasents?), get preferencial treatment in the military, education and from law enforcement officers, but apart from that we are just like any normal people, just that bit better."

The Royal Trade Union, which name is still to be decided, has established 10 aims to do the following to promote the well being of the royals:

1)Abolish anti-royalist sentiments
2)Establish clear powers for the royals.
3)Stop the Prime Minister from demanding a dissovlution of Parliament
4)Establish a world wide network of Royal Family Unions, to promote the well being of royals everywhere
5)Increase in the tax payers money to the royals.
6)Return of beheading people
7)War on France
8)Prince Philp allowed to become Minister of Political Correctness
9)Fox Hunting to be made legal and extended to badger baiting, cock fighting, Peasents hunting,Culling of the staff of the Daily Mirror, torture and beheading of people that look a bit anti-royal...
10)The Queen Mother to be made a saint.

The Royals has threaterned there first industrial Action, for Christmas day, saying that unless their demands are meet, the Queen will drone on and on and on and on with the speech, for longer then she already does, threatern to bore everyone to death even more.

Number 10 Downing Street was unable to comment, but high ranking New Labour officals have said that they expect the Prime Minister not to cave into the demands of the Unions, but hopes that the new union will donate money to the Labour Party, since New Labour is the party of the busines....errr working man.

random fact:

The Co-op is the most gung-ho organisation.....In China, gung-ho means "work together," and was the name given to the Association of Chinese Industrial Co-operatives, founded in 1938. It was adopted as a slogan by the US Marine Corps Second Raider Battalion in 1942, and subsequently became US slang for 'overenthusiastic' or 'zealous'.

YAY. I am a Celebritiy Get me....out of here is back on our screens.

I can't tell you how excited I am over the new serise of I'm a sub Z-listCrelebrity....get me a job...I mean get me out of here.

The Celebrities they got this year are top class, the best celebrities yet, here is the list of all the contestants:

1) A third Cousin of a man that is married to the sister of a man who plays for Rhyl Football team

2)That bloke tha who was knocked out of Pop Idol during the auditions period

3)A millionaire lord that is out of place in the jungle

4)That woman who was voted off first in the Weakest Link a few years ago

5)Last Years winner of the Lily Savage look alike contest

6)Some lady who appeared as an extra for a few minutes in Coronation Street

7) Larry "the Litter" a local celebrity in some small English village, famous for picking up litter

8)A lady, who knows a man, who knows a woman, who knows a child that is the great grand child of a dead soap actor

9)A Cue for the 2002 Snooker World Cup

10)A Streaker from a football match

Yea, looks like an interesting line-up, and I think that the cue will win this year, let's face it, it has more talent and more personality then the previous contestants, and this years real contestants.

Random Fact:

In 1847, engineer Charles Ellett was commissioned to build The Niagara Falls Suspension Bridge.Building it would't be a problem, but first they had to get a line across the ravine. Deciding a kite might be the answer, a $5 prize was offered to anyone who could fly their kite across. 10 year-old Homan Walsh was the winner and using his line to drag heavier cables across a steel cable eventually spanned the rapids.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

I figured out the perfect way to help prevent bird flu, and help the NHS

I have been thinking, I was too soft in my earlier blog entry (Bird Watching now an extreme sport). After hearing about the cases of Bird Flu in China, I though "Hey, maybe we should take a leaf out of the China's book...they don't respect human rights, why should we?"

So, here is my solution to the sitution, you could say this will kill two birds with one stone (in fact, birds faster, before they kill us)

Right, what I think we should do is, instead of giving out free flu jabs, we pretend to give them flu jab, but instead the needle is filled with poison, therefor putting everyone entitled to free flu jabs to death. This would cut down the rate of people who are more likely to catch the flu and we would also cut down the those people using the NHS therefore freeing up more resources.

I think this would be very effective.

(Note: This is not in line with my views with those people, and I know that it is not politically correct, so before the the Political Correctness police come charging in all guns blazing, WAIT! I am sorry, guns is not politically correct either....come in alll words blazing, I put this as a disclaimer...)

Random fact:

Queen Victoria ia not a muggle...The word muggle, way before it was popularised by JK Rowling, was Jazz slang for someone who smoked marijuana. It has been mooted that Queen Victoria did use the drug for medical reasons. For many years her personal physician wrote extensively on cannabis, but if she did take it, it would not have been by smoking, but by drinking it as an extract in alcohol

Friday, November 11, 2005

BREAKING NEWS: Tony Blair in Crisis as Euean beats him in Rock, Paper, Sissors! Power ebbing away saids opportants

More questions are being asked of Tony Blair's power after he lost a game of "Rock, Paper and Sissors" to his son Euean, the shock defeat game when the Prime Minister choose Rock and Euean went for Paper, therefore defeaing Tony's rock.

The Leader of the Oppisition, Michael Howard said "We have a lame duck leader, whose time has run out....but that is enough about me, and the Tory Party....The Prime Minister has again shown an arlaming lack in judgement, he should have thought the move through more carefully, and I would have think that, if he did, he would have choosen Sissors and not gone for the usual knee-jerk reaction of Rock"

The Liberal Democats leader, Charles Kennedy also raised some questions: "This is another sign of Tony Blair's authourity disappering, he should have gone for Paper, or for those voters that prefer Sissor, he should have gone for Sissors, if on the other hand, any potental voters that prefer Rock, then we agree with the Prime Minister on this issue, but we think his timing was wrong and how he implymented it was wrong"

Seeing a TV Carama, Claire Short Labour MP, shoved away the presenter in front of it and stole his mircophone..."It is so nice to be here and for you to interview me, over the disapperance of the Prime Minister, possibly the worse Prime Minsiter we have ever had....ever...ever...! The reccent defeat is a victory for everyone, it shows the the Prrrrime Minister is getting weaker and weaker and it is only a matter of time before he goes and I take power and return Labour back into the party it is meant to be."
This lead to cheers from any Conservatives who was near her.

A Cabinet minister said "These Claims are utterly rubbish, it was his first defeat in 8 years of office, you can't win them all!"

Random fact:

Brimingham has more miles canals then vience

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Some Questions to ponder

Here are some questions to ponder

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people in the world?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets are dressing up as mattresses?

If vampires have no reflection, how come they have such neat hair?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Just think about those....

Random Fact

Mike Myers, who is now famous for Austin Powers, began his career in inauspicious circumstances alongside Timmy Mallett and Michaela Strachan on The Wide Awake Club. He appeared with comedian Neil Mularkey, as double-act "The Sound Asleep Club".

3 things the Tories could do to win the next election

Since both the Davids seem usless, and it looks like the Tories will remain unelectible, I though I would put forward some friendly and helpful advise of what the Tories could do to become electible.

1)A name change: How about calling yourself Labour, that is universally popular, or Liberal Democrats appeal to the young vote, maybe you could go and look at the most popular American party for advise and be the Republican Party, although that might be confusing. Maybe look to TV for inspiration, The Doctor Who Party prehaps? Or maybe the Antiques Roadshow would be more accurute for the Conservative Party of today?

2)Get a better leader. Here are some suggests of more popular leaders:
a) A coathanger. Universally known and quiet usuful

b)Paul Daniels. The public would like him, not a lot, but they will like him...well more then any of the other leaders, but its not like it be magic to do that

c)Harry Potter. Ok a fictional character, but so is an electible Tory Leader.....but he is simular to Cameron, he is young, gone to a posh and elitist school and he is so liberal on drugs he puts magic mushrooms into stews...

d)A football with a smilie face on. Everyone would love that, and it would have more personality then IDS

e)A good friend (Rupert) has suggested a comb, or a spoon, at least with the spoon one of the caindates (note, I am not on about David Davis) could use it to take some crack.

3)Get new clothes. Every politican weres those suits, or tries to be casual, that is gotten so boring. Try going around in fancy dress, cross dressing or maybe even come dressed totally missed matched (bell bottoms and wooly beige sweaters) it wouldtake attention away from your policies at least.

Anyhow, that is enough of my Tory Bashing fun for now

Random Fact

US President John Quincy Adams repeatedly refused to give an interview to Anne Royall, the first female professional journalist in America. However, she found out that he liked to go skinny-dipping in the Potomac first thing in the morning, followed him to the river one day, stole his clothes, and sat on them until he gave in to her request.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Is anyone reading this?

I am wondering is anyone is actually reading this thing? I mean am I wasting my time writting this bloody thing? Anyone alive out there? Hello? Hello?

Random Fact:

The French aristocrat, the Marquis de Lafayette, was a French and American hero, after his participation in the revolutions of both countries. In 1826 he presented US President John Quincy Adams with an alligator, which lived in a bathroom in the White House until Adams left office in 1829.

((Note: This had 3 comments))

Saturday, November 05, 2005


New Zealand won the rugby........

Then again New Zealand are the best team in the World.

I am off to mix a cocktail of bleach, toilet cleaner, flash, Marmite, vinger and use them to wash down a few packets of asprin....

Random Fact:

Ed Headrick perfected the Frisbee, creating the industry standard design. His dying wish was to be cremated and that his ashes be moulded into Frisbees. The toys were given to family members and others who made donations in his memory. A year before Headrick's death, he said: "When we die, we don't go to purgatory. We just land up on the roof and lay there."

Friday, November 04, 2005

Bird Watching, Now an Extreme sport!

I envy anyone mad even now-a-days to go bird watching or to have a bird table in there garden.....with the ever growing threat from the Bird Flu which will wipe over everyone, acording to the media....

We need to take some measures to protect ourselves from certain death! Can I suggest the following?

1)Force the Liberal Democrats to change there logo....having that bird CANNOT be healthy and must be a health risk, a danger to the public.

2)Ban all Easter eggs.... this include Easter Eggs on DVD Films and other media

3)Scramble the RAF to shoot down any birds entering into UK air space, expensive YES, but it is better to be safe then sorry

4)Ken Livingstone will love this one......order the SAS to take over every single pidegon in Trafalgar Square

5)Place any suspectious looking bird in a coop for 60 days without trail or hope of release, and without telling the bird the evidence against them

6)Make the Birds join the Tory Party.....the Tories are a dying party anyway

7)Instead of using "Guys" for Bonfire night, have a cage full of birds which may be infected with the killer virus (the poeople watching the bonfire would beed to be in full enviromental suits, to ensure no infection)

8)Use the birds as a form of Germ Warfare against countries we dont like....Iran for example

9)All Birds are given ASBOs to stop them catching and spreading Bird Flu

10)If Worse comes to Worse, the vaccine is given to the eltie, who then flee to bunkers, the rest are left to die from the killer flu......unfortunetly the elite won't know how to actually run the country once bird flu has passed (and wiped out all the world's population but the elite) and they will soon die of savation (not knowing how to farm....)

Anyway, dont have nightmares.

Random Fact:

Before the Renaissance, three quarters of all the books in the world were in Chinese

A Labour supporters's commentary on Question Time "Tory Leadership speacial"

Ok, in Wales we get it at 11pm because of Welsh Politics Programme, Dragons Eye. Here I will say what I think of the Tory Bastards David "Tory boy" Cameron and David "Alan B'stard" Davis

First Question is asking about Youth VS Experince, Davis putting forward his "experience" of being in government...yea the THARCHER Government, which wrecked Britain and the MAJOR government which got kicked out of EMU and equally wrecked Britain.

Cameron talking about Compassionate Conservativism? Is that not an oxymoron?

Ooo! David Davis mentioned one-nation conservativism....which the public will see through as the same old cutting public services as normal conservatism......Davis has said he wanted too....shows a lot about the Tories and there lack of commitment to public services and to helping the worse off in society.

Davis is now talking about IDS wanting to help the worse off.....IDS the MAN who said that CHARITY was better then Public the rich get tax cuts.....yes that is helping the worse off isn't it, cutting public services in favour of Charity.....idiot.

Tory Boy Cameron is doing the usual politican thing of ducking and diving questions, over terrorism, and everything else so far, make sme think that he thinks that if his politics came out he would not win....or maybe he has no idea what to do with the Tory Party if he wins it....(here is a suggestion for you Cameron....bury it....the Conservative Party is old fashioned and out of date and full of old fossils)

A question about taking back powers from the EU....something which will rip them appart....hopefully...
David Davis is spouting out the usual populist crap about a United States of Europe (I got news for you Tharcherite Davis, there is no such thing as the United States of Europe, you moron)

David "Tory Boy" Cameron is spouting out simular rubbish, talking how the EU's employment rules is hurting British competition with Germany and France.......HOLD ON France and Germany are in the EU and they have a MUCH WORSE ecomony then Britain......!!!!

David Cameron is accusing David Davis of not thinking things through.....and avioding anwsersing the questions of the chair of the debate, David Dimbleby

A four eyed spotty 30 year old geek is saying we should pull out of the EU....what a plonker....a total plonker....

David Cameron is talking about hurting workers rights by pulling out of charters protecting them, what a "compassionate" conservative he is.....

Cameron been accused by a member of the audience of "not being able to run a bath" I dont think any Tory could....especally not the two in the run up to the leadership to take the Tories to defeat at the next election.

Cameron is talking about Tax Cuts and Better Public Services.......GO BACK TO SCHOOL YOU ETON EDUCATED IDIOIT, LEARN MATHS! Your would damage Public Services by Tax Cuts, you CANT spend more and tax Less!

David Davis is saying lying more and more about the ecomony....talking about Tax Cuts again.....and saying he want to cut Public Services by billions of £.......


The Public dont trust the Tories on the ecomony and rightly so, there management of the ecomony in the 18 years of power was terrible.

David Davis had very little claps over his eocmony Tax Cuts = better public services....PEOPLE ARE NOT STUPID.

David Cameron is talking about STREAMING, That means that if you are bad at english and good at history, you will be put in the bottom set for everything, idiot.

Davis is talking about USING TAX PAYERS MONEY FOR PRIVATE SCHOOLS!!!!! So therefore reducing money in the State Schoools get less money.

Davis is now talking about giving tax breaks for MARRIAGE. Going back to basic hmm? ATTACKING SINGLE PARENTS AGAIN! The same old Torys attacking Single Parents, there is also an underlying dig at homosexual parents, attacking co-habiting couples, trying to FORCE people to Marry and tax the POOREST FAMILY, SINGLE PARENTS FAMILIES more, but getting rid of there Welfare and increasing taxes them.


The same old Tory Vaules and the same old Tory mistakes.

Davis talking about getting more youngsters, women and middle class voters....and he is saying that they are there for everyone.....(as long as they are rich?) They are parading around like they want to help the poorest.....but they dont, they are contridicting themselves, saying they want tax cuts and cuts in public servies but helping the poor....HOW WILL THAT WORK? IT WILL ONLY HELP THE RICH!

Torys were third with the under 35s in the last election....they are a dying party, with out of date vaules and an out of date idealogy.

Cameron is again dodging the question......well, he is talking about helping the poorest in Africa fact Cameron seems to be stealing Labour's clothes......but the rich Eton educated person will not pull over the wool over there eyes.


David Dimbleby just told David Davis, he was attacking Tony Blair, David Dimbleby asked about the years of TORY SLEAZE!!!

Cameron talking about the consitution.....BRITAIN DOES NOT HAVE A CONSITUTION, YOU MORON!

A question on the VERY POPULAR ANTI-HUNTING BILL.....Which is supported by most of the population and Davis is talking about allowing the SAVAGE thing to be allowed again...were hounds RIP THE FOX TO PIECES and the Hunters SMEAR THE BLOOD ON THERE HEAD OF CHILDREN! SAVAGE, UNCIVILISED AND BACKWARD "SPORT" If you could call it a Sport!

Davis is refusing to anwser a question on drugs s....Cameron is saying that people's private should stay private, if they go into politics.....well for once....I agree with him....

Comeron wants to DOWNGRADE Esscay!

Cameron is being accused of wofflin (he has been) and not saying how he has not saying HOW he will do things, he also put Cameron into his PLACE, being told to shut up and stop intereping him by the member of the audience

Davis is comparing Cameron with Tony Blair and saying it be the worse time for the Tories to have a "Tony Blair"

Cameron is accusing Davis of being ridiclulous!

Nice to see Tory infighting and the Tories making the same old mistakes of the past, and repeating the same old stuff that have made them LOOSE the past 3 elections (and hopefully a 4th :D )

Anyone that is over and all is left to do is give you a ......

Random Fact

A steel ball and a glass ball will bounce higher then a rubber one.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Obvious Publicity stunt

Ok, do this is not politics, but I will probably make up for it later on when I am a blog taking the micky out of the Tory Leadership contest to see who will loose the next election for them.

Anyway, look at this:

What an obvious attempt at getting publicity! I mean honestly, to believe that BOTH men are getting assulted by women just before they return back to the Soap......maybe I am cynical, but I think it is just publicity, seriously.

I won't be suprised if The Sun gets a few exclusives about Eastenders in the near future....

Random Fact..

In September 2001, the Democratic Republic of the Congo discovered that it had 21,652 civil servants on its payroll who do not exist.

My first blog entry, well here anyway....

Righio, this is my first blog entry, on this anyway and I am going to keep this one short. I will also start off as I mean to go on, Politics!

David Blunkett resigned from cabinet again, today, after "mistakes". David Blunkett made the right descion of resigning I believe, it must have been pretty bad judgement to take a role in DNA Bioscience, while out of cabinet, however he did know, everyone with half a brain knew, that he would be back after Labour's historic Third Term Victory. The biggest reason for him to resign is not the fact he made the mistake, but the fact it would give the Tories something to embrass the Labour government with if he stayed in, and although Howard has the nerve to call Tony Blair a lame duck (Who won the elections Michael?).

I guess this is the end of David's cabinet career, although I doubt it be the last time the media will leave him alone.

Something random:

The Russian military has lost track of more than 100 suitcase sized nuclear bombs, any one of which could kill up to 100,000 people.